An Ode to the Auspicious One

Dear Jen,

Here's wishing you a very very happy fucking birthday today. I think you'll agree with me that it's nice to have a sibling, but even nicer to have a sibling whose birthday is the day after your own (or, in your case, the day before.) Not only does it make things easier to remember (always helpful to us absent-minded Gemini types), but it's also nice to get everything done at once. Pragmatism, meine Schwester, is a gift from Gott.

The beauty part about getting older, of course, is that we no longer have to do that combined birthday party bullshit. Yes, I can admit this to you now, Jen. I hated sharing my party with you when we were younger. Words can't describe the animosity I used to feel when I'd look out over a room half-filled with my friends and half-filled with yours, eating birthday cake on a Strawberry Shortcake table spread while using He-Man cups and plates. (Which parent thought that was a fair trade, exactly?...My money's on Dad.)

Anyway, I'm not bitter about that anymore, so, like I said, happy birthday. Here's to another year of mutual extroversion, anti-political-correctness, and of course foul fucking language. We're such the shit.

Herzlichen Glückwunsch zum Geburtstag,
J.