How to Sell Your Dog on E-Bay

"These precious things
Let them bleed, let them wash away
These precious things
Let them break their hold on me."
- Tori Amos

Hello hello, you crazy kids. Wow. Long time no see - probably because I've been keeping myself occupied with all kinds of fun new schemes lately. But, now that it's Monday (and a lazy Monday afternoon at that) I'm finally winding down enough to tell you all about it. First a question, though...

How many of you have seen Disney's "The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr.Toad"? You know, the two-part animated classic based on "The Legend of Sleepy Hollow" and "The Wind and the Willows"? Well, that was always a personal favorite of mine growing up, mainly because I saw so much of myself in the character of Mr.Toad. Ah yes, J. Thaddeus Toad - that adventuresome little devil who hopped around from one craze to another, always looking for new things to become immersed in. "Come!" he would say. "I'll show you the world! Travel! Change! Excitement!" That little phrase has long been a mantra of mine as I've gone about life, becoming fascinated (and then bored) with lots of little things along the way. Those of you who know me best are probably very familiar with these crazes of mine.

Who could forget, for example, my Natural Born Killers phase, or my X Files phase, or my Anne Rice phase? What about Quentin Tarantino, a Clockwork Orange, and my massive comic book collection? Who remembers all my books about serial killers, that brief phase when I started collecting Americana, or my celebrity crushes on Sarah Michelle Gellar, and then Jennifer Love Hewitt, and then Daniela Pestova, and (most recently) Adriana Lima? And then of course there's the big ones - the ones that cross over from fascinations into obsessions...James Joyce, Billy Corgan, girls with black hair, the Third Reich, and Tori Amos. Yes, for better or worse, I'm the classic Gemini, interested in just about everything...and a packrat to boot. I've spent a lifetime making piles and starting collections. Thus, it may come as a surprise to some of you out there in BlogLand that I recently did some summer cleaning and sold a TON of stuff on E-Bay. 33 different auctions in all, and I managed to sell all but one item.

For starters, I sold all of my Tori Amos vinyl. (Right now, several of you are fighting back heart attacks.) I know, I know, I can't believe it either. But, it's like I've been telling everyone: "When you have a massive Tori Amos collection at 16, it's really kind of impressive in some weird way. But, when you have a massive Tori Amos collection at 26, it's just kind of sad and desperate...especially if you're a heterosexual male." So, you know, I still love Tori and I'll keep all of her albums on CD and go to her concerts and everything. But, all the little frivolous things I've picked up along the way can go. Or, as Tori herself once said, "You can go now" (from "Cloud on My Tongue").

In addition to Tori stuff, I've also sold off my Stephen King hardbacks (thank you Cindy!), my paperback Anne Rice Vampire Chronicles, the Very Valentine Barbie I had the foresight to buy back in 2000, a bunch of old VHS tapes, those little horror movie figures we had in the kitchen back when we were living at the 86, and even several posters from my room in Biloxi. All of this sold to the tune of around $650, which I'll be using to launch a website and start a small business. So, I guess you could say I'm selling off my adolescence to pay for my adulthood. Whatever works. And what I find kind of funny about it is that E-Bay is sort of my new craze. hehe Imagine that, my new phase is the one where I'm selling off all the old ones. Oh, the irony. Who knows whether to laugh or cry?

A special note to Missy Kenny - and I'm saying this in front of everyone so you'll know I'm being sincere, Miss. To answer your question, yes, you DID get that copy of the NBK Director's Cut for me, and I had a very difficult time letting go of it for that very reason. But, I figured you would want me to do what I needed to do, especially if it would allow me to make a little extra cash so I could come and visit you or something. Just think, I could crash on the couch and take you and Mr.Missy out to dinner and stuff. It would be awesome! Like having a pet that pays for stuff. And besides, I still have that lock of your hair you cut for me...or was that Courtney? I don't remember. It's red, so I'm assuming it's probably yours. Point is, if I thought that tape was the only thing left of our friendship, I wouldn't have let it go. But, despite our absence, we've still got it. So, this is just a bump in the road. Try not to cry about it too much. *music starts and J starts singing* "I never meant to cause you any sorrow. I never meant to cause you any pain..."

Anyway, my whole life is up for sale right now, so if there's anything I have that any of you want, just let me know and we'll make a deal. Buyer pays shipping. Paypal preferred. (A special thanks to Ashley Dunn, by the way, for purchasing my Star Wars suitcase. It's a pleasure doing business with you, Ash, and I'll be sure to leave positive feedback for you. hehe)

Happy 4th of July, all. I hope everyone is well.

P.S. I'm starting a new feature on my blog this month where I'll be highlighting different friends of mine. If you'd like to be a featured friend, please send me a bio, recent pic, and a few kind words about your best J-related moments and I'll get to work on it.