Friday, July 15, 2005

One of those Long, Serious Ones

I've waited about a week to post these thoughts, dear friends, because (as with all things) it's never a good idea to blog in anger. Anger, you know, is a weakness. It prevents a person from focusing clearly and, in the worst cases, creates mental and spiritual paralysis. I've fallen into that trap before - and, because I'm only human, I'm bound to fall into it again every now and again. Right now, though, I seek only clarity as I ponder last Thursday's terrorist bombings in the U.K.
First and foremost, I send my condolences out to everyone in the U.K. and abroad who may have been affected by this tragedy. As a by-product of England (i.e. an American), I feel as if someone has inflicted suffering on my extended family, and I wish there was something I could do to make things better. I'm especially saddened when I think of all the great things the U.K. has given the world over time -- Shakespeare, the Beatles, J.R.R. Tolkien...the list goes on and on. (Hell, I spent four years studying the masterworks of English literature and I STILL haven't learned all there is to know.) Truly, for a relatively small island, England has exerted true influence on the world and established itself as one of history's great civilizations. Of course, there are a lot of naysayers out there who would say (and you have to say this in your whiniest coffee-shop college kid voice), "You want to know what England has given the world? Nothing but SUFFERING. They've, like, exploited so many cultures and been, like, so imperialist and barbaric and stuff, and now they're just getting a taste of their own medicine. America sucks too, and it learned everything from England. They're like a tyrannical father and son - just like Bush and his dad! Che Guevara rules! I take yoga classes!" Yeah yeah yeah. Blah blah blah...
Let me tell you something, folks. No race of people on this earth is innocent. At one point or another we've all been the oppressed and the oppressor. Ask America about the Irish immigrants. Ask the Irish about the English. Ask the English about the Germans. Ask the Germans about the Jews. Ask the Jews about the Palestinians. Ask the Palestinians about...well, pretty much everyone. Ask China about Tibet. Long story short, every group of people has some other group of people they can point to and say, "Those people over there have done me wrong." And the people they're pointing at could undoubtedly turn around, point right back at them, and say the exact same thing. Yes, it's a sad fact that our human nature comes with an innate need to feel victimized. And it's with this thought in mind that we turn our attention now to the perpetrators of the London attacks.
I'm going to say something now which is unflinchingly non-P.C., and that is this: Whenever a bomb goes off in a civilized Western country, there's no real need to speculate about who's responsible. Sure, we can do the whole song and dance about "Well, we don't want to jump to any conclusions..." or "Right now we encourage our citizens to practice restraint while we investigate", but let's be real. Whenever a bomb goes off, you can rest assured there's a Muslim somewhere holding a detonator and writing a speech about how Israel and the U.S. were ultimately responsible. I used to have a lot of anger about this, and I'm pretty sure that if I were running for public office my opponent could dig up enough anti-Islam/Muslim/Arab statements from my past to do one hell of a smear campaign. (Honestly, I don't know anyone who felt the same amount of blind hatred over 9-11 that I did, and I know people who were actually in the WTC when it happened.) Of course, my feelings changed significantly after a Syrian cardiologist saved my mother's life back in February of '04. Needless to say, that's the kind of thing that really makes you step back and ask different kinds of questions...
What defines the Arab? Is it the terrorist in London or the cardiologist in Gulfport? What defines the German - Hitler or Mozart? What defines England - imperialism or Shakespeare? What defines the Catholic Church - the Inquisition or Pope John Paul II? What defines Tim Burton - "Edward Scissorhands" or "Planet of the Apes"? In short, what makes us who we are? Is it the things we do wrong or the things we do right? The sacred or the profane? Well, the obvious answer, I think, is BOTH. Being human, we are all made up of equal parts triumph and failure. And I don't mind telling you, dear readers, that when I allowed myself to be overcome with anger and hatred in the wake of 9-11, I failed.
I failed to uphold the obligations that come with calling one's self a Christian. (Don't worry, I'm not going to get all Bible-belty on you here, I'm trying to make a point.) It should go without saying that one of the cornerstones of Christian theology is the practice of forgiveness. According to what we believe, Christ suffered a horrendous death so the sins of mankind could be forgiven. The first words Catholics say when receiving the Sacrament of Reconciliation are "Forgive me, Father..." When Christ was being nailed to the cross, he uttered the words, "Father, please forgive them. They know not what they do." And, perhaps most poignant, the common prayer that links all sects of Christianity includes the following words: "...forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us." Regardless of your personal belief system - indeed, even if you're an atheist - you have to admit this is a very powerful set of words. It implies, in no uncertain terms, that we can rightfully expect from God only what we are willing to bestow upon our fellow man. In order to be shown forgiveness, for example, we must first forgive. Thus, by refusing to forgive those responsible for acts of terrorism, I was in effect turning my back on my own faith, just as Islamic terrorists have turned their backs on theirs. Yes, they too have failed.
Make no mistake, my friends, terrorism is not the same thing as martyrdom. It's not synonymous with laying down one's life for another, and it's certainly not the will of God. Some will make excuses for it, saying, "Well, I know it's not right, but I can understand what motivates their actions." Once again, a situation we must look at and say, "It's not the same thing." The fact that you can understand someone's reasons for doing something does not miraculously make you more enlightened or their actions more justifiable. Hell, if you really want to be open-minded about things, you might say, "Well, you know, Germany was treated really badly during World War I, and the Treaty of Versailles was really just one humiliation after another. Plus, I guess their economy was wrecked and there WERE a lot of Jewish people who were living the good life while the German people were starving to death. So, I guess I can kind of see how someone like Hitler could come to power." Okay, so you understand the legitimate circumstances that created the Third Reich...Is it now OKAY for the Nazis to have stood thousands of people in front of trenches, shot them in the back of the head, and buried their bodies in mass graves? No. And you have to look at terrorism the same way. You can become well-versed in the Israeli/Palestinian Conflict and historical humiliatons of the Arab people and the dividing of the Ottoman Empire until you're blue in the face, but none of those things should make you say to yourself, "Oh, okay. Then I guess it's okay for them to blow up a train filled with London commuters." No, it's not. THIS does not equal THIS. Two wrongs, as the old saying goes, don't make a right.
But here's what I'm doing differently this time, dear readers. I'm not sitting back and obsessing over the wrong that has been done to our friends and family in England. Rather, I am ACKNOWLEDGING the wrong that has been done and I'm praying for everyone who needs comfort. And, at the same time, I'm praying for the perpetrators of the London attacks and asking God to change those parts of their hearts and minds (and ours) that will allow us to approach one another in a way more befitting of the children of God. Remember, to hate another human being is to hate something that God has created. Let's strive to be better than that. There are no words in the Bible, the Quran, or any other scriptural texts that will bring us as close to God as that moment in time when we sit down and devote ourselves to finding what is still good in our enemies.
God bless the U.K.

And Here's Your Reward...


Here's a little reward for reading through that long, heavy-handed blog of mine. I swear this picture has not been doctored in any way. This is an honest-to-God picture of me during my mulletastic "headbanger" days. I'm making the angry face because my mom made me wear that green polo shirt for my school picture, which was, like, totally proof that she didn't love me for who I was. As you can imagine, the fact that my mom hated me only fueled my headbanger angst. Believe me, I wrote all KINDS of hateful songs about this picture and the way my parents were trying to suppress my identity and everything...*sigh*...those were simpler times.  Posted by Picasa

Monday, July 04, 2005

How to Sell Your Dog on E-Bay

"These precious things
Let them bleed, let them wash away
These precious things
Let them break their hold on me."
- Tori Amos

Hello hello, you crazy kids. Wow. Long time no see - probably because I've been keeping myself occupied with all kinds of fun new schemes lately. But, now that it's Monday (and a lazy Monday afternoon at that) I'm finally winding down enough to tell you all about it. First a question, though...

How many of you have seen Disney's "The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr.Toad"? You know, the two-part animated classic based on "The Legend of Sleepy Hollow" and "The Wind and the Willows"? Well, that was always a personal favorite of mine growing up, mainly because I saw so much of myself in the character of Mr.Toad. Ah yes, J. Thaddeus Toad - that adventuresome little devil who hopped around from one craze to another, always looking for new things to become immersed in. "Come!" he would say. "I'll show you the world! Travel! Change! Excitement!" That little phrase has long been a mantra of mine as I've gone about life, becoming fascinated (and then bored) with lots of little things along the way. Those of you who know me best are probably very familiar with these crazes of mine.

Who could forget, for example, my Natural Born Killers phase, or my X Files phase, or my Anne Rice phase? What about Quentin Tarantino, a Clockwork Orange, and my massive comic book collection? Who remembers all my books about serial killers, that brief phase when I started collecting Americana, or my celebrity crushes on Sarah Michelle Gellar, and then Jennifer Love Hewitt, and then Daniela Pestova, and (most recently) Adriana Lima? And then of course there's the big ones - the ones that cross over from fascinations into obsessions...James Joyce, Billy Corgan, girls with black hair, the Third Reich, and Tori Amos. Yes, for better or worse, I'm the classic Gemini, interested in just about everything...and a packrat to boot. I've spent a lifetime making piles and starting collections. Thus, it may come as a surprise to some of you out there in BlogLand that I recently did some summer cleaning and sold a TON of stuff on E-Bay. 33 different auctions in all, and I managed to sell all but one item.

For starters, I sold all of my Tori Amos vinyl. (Right now, several of you are fighting back heart attacks.) I know, I know, I can't believe it either. But, it's like I've been telling everyone: "When you have a massive Tori Amos collection at 16, it's really kind of impressive in some weird way. But, when you have a massive Tori Amos collection at 26, it's just kind of sad and desperate...especially if you're a heterosexual male." So, you know, I still love Tori and I'll keep all of her albums on CD and go to her concerts and everything. But, all the little frivolous things I've picked up along the way can go. Or, as Tori herself once said, "You can go now" (from "Cloud on My Tongue").

In addition to Tori stuff, I've also sold off my Stephen King hardbacks (thank you Cindy!), my paperback Anne Rice Vampire Chronicles, the Very Valentine Barbie I had the foresight to buy back in 2000, a bunch of old VHS tapes, those little horror movie figures we had in the kitchen back when we were living at the 86, and even several posters from my room in Biloxi. All of this sold to the tune of around $650, which I'll be using to launch a website and start a small business. So, I guess you could say I'm selling off my adolescence to pay for my adulthood. Whatever works. And what I find kind of funny about it is that E-Bay is sort of my new craze. hehe Imagine that, my new phase is the one where I'm selling off all the old ones. Oh, the irony. Who knows whether to laugh or cry?

A special note to Missy Kenny - and I'm saying this in front of everyone so you'll know I'm being sincere, Miss. To answer your question, yes, you DID get that copy of the NBK Director's Cut for me, and I had a very difficult time letting go of it for that very reason. But, I figured you would want me to do what I needed to do, especially if it would allow me to make a little extra cash so I could come and visit you or something. Just think, I could crash on the couch and take you and Mr.Missy out to dinner and stuff. It would be awesome! Like having a pet that pays for stuff. And besides, I still have that lock of your hair you cut for me...or was that Courtney? I don't remember. It's red, so I'm assuming it's probably yours. Point is, if I thought that tape was the only thing left of our friendship, I wouldn't have let it go. But, despite our absence, we've still got it. So, this is just a bump in the road. Try not to cry about it too much. *music starts and J starts singing* "I never meant to cause you any sorrow. I never meant to cause you any pain..."

Anyway, my whole life is up for sale right now, so if there's anything I have that any of you want, just let me know and we'll make a deal. Buyer pays shipping. Paypal preferred. (A special thanks to Ashley Dunn, by the way, for purchasing my Star Wars suitcase. It's a pleasure doing business with you, Ash, and I'll be sure to leave positive feedback for you. hehe)

Happy 4th of July, all. I hope everyone is well.

P.S. I'm starting a new feature on my blog this month where I'll be highlighting different friends of mine. If you'd like to be a featured friend, please send me a bio, recent pic, and a few kind words about your best J-related moments and I'll get to work on it.