Thursday, August 11, 2005

"The time has come," the Walrus said, "to talk of other things."

(It's 5:31 A.M., and what am I doing? I'm posting a blog for your viewing and reading pleasure. That's what a nice guy I am.)

Hello, dear readers. J here. I know it's been a while since most of you have heard from me, and there are several of you who would have every right in the world to tear me limb from limb for my lack of correspondence (Marjorie, Sherrye, Stefan and Sara, Dexter - I'm looking in your directions.) However, I hope you'll forgive my momentary lack of presence. As you'll read in this blog posting, I've had quite a bit of stuff up in the air (namely moving). And you know me. If I don't focus on what's right in front of me, I'll become altogether lost. Now then...

A PERSONAL LITERARY MILESTONE

I'm pleased to announce that after almost a year of hemming and hawing I've finally buckled down and finished William Faulkner's "Mosquitoes".



This makes me one of the few and proud who can say with a straight face that they've read Faulkner's first two, largely-unknown novels, the other being "Soldiers' Pay":



I'm sure this won't make the slightest bit of difference to most people, but my fellow literary snobs around the world are undoubtedly standing and cheering (or maybe hanging their heads with a sort of "job well done" reverence.) After all, Faulkner - for those of you who aren't in the know - didn't really become "FAULKNER" until his third novel, "The Sound and the Fury", which, if I'm not mistaken, is one of Oprah's summer reading selections this year (not that I honestly believe Oprah's actually read it, mind you.) Thus, to track down and read his first two efforts is an accomplishment I simply can't be humble about. To quote Kevin Spacey, I RULE! At this point, the question some of you are no doubt wanting to ask is, "Well, J, you've read them...were they any good?" Um, sure. They were good in that special Faulknerian kind of way (meaning, once you get through the complicated sentence structure and general misery of the characters they're both worthwhile reads.) Actually, "Soldiers' Pay" is more than a little slow and boring. (What?? Faulkner slow and boring? No!) But "Mosquitoes" is something of a dark comedy - kind of like "As I Lay Dying" without all the death and short chapters. I recommend it to anyone who can handle more than a light read. And believe me, "Mosquitoes" is the closest thing to a light read you'll ever get from William Faulkner.

One last note on this subject: I'm sure there's at least one primadonna undergraduate English major out there in cyber-space who's about to e-mail me saying, "Um, like, Faulkner did a novel before the two you mentioned. It was called 'The Marble Faun', and, like, only true scholars such as myself know about it." Yeah? Well, guess what, junior? "The Marble Faun" was not a novel, it was a poetry collection. And yes, I've read that too. Oh, and before you say anything, yes, I've also read "The New Orleans Sketches". Thanks for playing. Here's the door, asshole.

SO WHAT'S UP WITH THE MOVIE?

The question I get more than any other these days is the question of what's going on with "Pink". I chronicled every last detail of the filming process and then suddenly, nothing. Not a mention. Not a peep. The truth, my inquisitive friends, is that we've reached something of a standstill. There wasn't really enough time to get everything edited together right once we finished filming, which unfortunately has led to our being turned down for this year's Oxford Film Festival. I'm not upset about it, though. Right now my priority is getting a better cut of the movie made so we can press it to DVDs and start marketing it. (Besides, I'm not really sure how this particular movie - being as horrifically un-PC as it is - will really sit with film festival crowds.) Gregg and I are supposed to be getting together at the end of August/beginning of September to talk about editing and changes that can be made. On a positive note, my ex-fiance' has a friend that was on the Oxford Film Festival screening committee, and he told her that several people found the rough cut of the film "really offensive". Needless to say, I smiled really wide when that little gem of information reached my ears. Think about it: if a super-rough cut of the movie needles people to the point of being offended, can you imagine what kind of reaction we'll get when it's done right? *insert fiendish, childish grin here* I have that Andy Kaufman kind of mentality, you know: Let them love it. Let them hate it. Just don't let them be indifferent. I'll keep everyone posted on the progress. As with everything else, I'm behind schedule, but only because I'm taking time to do it right.

BIOFF and BIOFFRIN, OR MRS. LOOMIS GOES TO WASHINGTON

It pains my heart to speak of this, dear friends, but alas, my dear BIOFF (Meredith Loomis) has gone away to that great national capital in...Washington, D.C. It's kind of a bittersweet turn of events. I mean, on one hand she's bettering herself, going off to law school and a city that's great for the mind (as opposed to New Orleans, which is good for the the loins.) But, on the other, more selfish hand, she's taken with her a number of well-developed inside jokes, ranging from "RRRRRAWWWWWRRRRR!!!" to "What? Neopolitan ice cream? What the f--- is that??" to "I could totally see her ripping one" to the HI Buffet to "I picture her house being filled with greasy buckets of chicken that just sit there" to the ugly cousin and, last but not least, "Yeah, some lady was just in here and said I should move this bar to Brazil." *sigh* You know it's a special friendship when you speak your own language. You are missed, BIOFF. I'm sending my best to you and Tony up there in the D.C.
Filling Meredith's place (and notice I didn't say "TAKING" Meredith's place) is my new Crescent City gal-pal and fellow Gemini, Jen Meyers. Jen's birthday is the day after mine, which puts her just a step below yours truly in terms of coolness. Now, because I'm a slavishly loyal and monogamous mofo, I told her she couldn't be my BIOFF (Best Intra-Office Friend Forever), because that would defeat the whole purpose of the "Forever" in Meredith's title. So, we put our heads together and decided that Jen will be my BIOFFRIN (Best Intra-Office Friend For RIght Now.) And it's cool. Jen picked up right where Meredith left off, encouraging me in my writing and developing a whole new round of inside jokes (see also "specimen", coffee beans, "Hurry up, bitch," "Here, J. Here's your f------ corn muffin!" and "The back of my hand has your name written all over it.")
It's not "Out with the old, in with the new". More like a win-win situation. :)

THE NEW DIGS

The thing that's taken up most of my time in recent days is Mac and I's new apartment on the outskirts of the NOLA. Once the Munchkin moved out, the rent here in Lakeview went through the roof. So, we started looking around for something new and found a posh gated apartment complex over in River Ridge - kind of like Lexington Point in Oxford but without that "college" feel to it. As of this writing, I'm still sleeping on the couch at our old place (we don't have to be out until the 15th, and Lord knows I love sleeping on couches), but most of our stuff has already been moved in, thanks in no small part to my good, old, tried-and-true buddy Giuliano. It's a dedicated friend who'll help you move a mattress and box spring up four flights of stairs. I guess I've been blessed that way. And let me assure you, few things are as funny as three guys who've just moved a bunch of furniture into a third-floor apartment standing around, feeling all tough and sweaty like they've been at war or in a really big fight. It's such a guy thing. "Yeah, man, did you see me lifting that couch like it wasn't shit? Dude!" (Quick thought: it's a wonder no one's ever designed a piece of exercise equipment that simulates moving a couch up a flight of stairs. Now THAT's a workout.)
I'll be posting some pictures of the new place soon, and not without good reason. I've moved around a lot over the last couple of years, but this is really the first place I've lived that I'm eager to show off to friends. AND, if you're in the New Orleans metropolitan area at the beginning of next month, brace yourself for one bad mam-a-jam-a of a housewarming party.

DENOUEMENT

That's pretty much what I've got for now, kids. My thanks to all those who've taken time to read through this, and my "You're welcome" to those of you who've used this blog as a way to kill time at work. Mac is out of town until Sunday, which means that aside from A.C. coming to pack her stuff, I've got the place to myself for another two or three days. This is especially nice, given that I've developed a habit of sleeping from 6:30 P.M. to 3:30 A.M. - nine hours of sleep and four hours in the morning when I can feel like the only person on Earth. It sounds like a weird schedule, but it's made me very productive. Take this blog as evidence.

Take care, all. I hope to hear from everyone soon.

2 Comments:

Blogger reddoorjen said...

Thank you so much for being my first. . . BIOFFRIN!!!! And because of the additional letters, I am immediately cooler than any BIOFF. ;) And you forgot to mention how much we have in common, like english degrees and love for die Smoozie Kaiser! OH, and don't forget to stop by my place later to pop a cherry or two! ha ha ha!!!
<3
The one and only JEN!!!

2:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

HEY J, I ENJOYED READING Y0UR BLOG, I HAVE TO READ IT TO LEARN WHAT IS GOING ON IN YOUR LIFE, ISN'T THAT SAD?

MOM

PS WHEN WERE YOU GOING TO TELL US YOU WERE MOVING?

5:12 AM  

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